I've always been horrible about writing letters. I can write them beautifully, but never send them. Why? i don't know...I forget and then it's too late lol. Luckily, with a blog, it's not really ever too late. So this is my apology to all my followers, for not keeping my blog updated well.
January 26th made 2 years since my original due date with Aaden. It was actually a very hard day for me. As I told my boyfriend (who, bless his heart, is amazing with me when I have my "emotional" days lol), people wouldn't think that 2 years later, a due date that was never even reached, could still mean so much. But, the only way I know how to explain it is that when you lose someone, especially someone who you never got to meet, you hold on to every little thing connected. Even a date, that was important at the time they were alive, but that was never reached.
But, as always, God's not going to give us anything that we cannot handle, and He always brings us through; and I got through that day. And my life goes on.
Been thinking lately about how much I want to have another child. Not, of course, to take Aadens place. But just because, I'm ready to be a mother again. I'm actually ready this time (after me and my love get married of course,) and when it happens it won't be such a surprise. I've grown SO much in the 2 1/2 years since I was pregnant with Aaden. Not only have I matured in the normal sense of the word, but I've matured so much in CHRIST. Which, is the most important. If you can have that closer walk with, growing every day in HIM, then you can grow in all other areas of your life.
And I've sure been blessed beyond what I've deserved. I mess up everyday, just like everyone else. Be it something little, or something not so little. I'm no where close to perfect, and I don't deserve any of what God has given me. He lived for us, died for us, and lives again for us still. He gives us love, even sometimes let's us obtain that mother's love. He has given me a place to live in, food to eat, water to drink, LOVE, and so much extra. Every day he fills my life with blessings. Even on the bad days, that I'm so swallowed up in my own SELF PITY (and I hate to think that I have that sometimes, but we all do, even when we don't realize that that's what it is.) Sometimes we all just need to sit down and talk to God. Instead of asking for anything, give Him a few minutes just to thank Him for ALL his blessings, and all that He's done for you. Imagine if all we had was what we thanked Him for?
Now, this is for all my angel mom's out there. Recently, my boyfriend and I discovered a very talented musician. His name is Jonathan David Helser, and he is a VERY anointed man of God. On his album, Walk Through The Walls, there is a song called "Amy's Song." It is about a little girl in Heaven. After hearing it, and realizing how much it touched that very spot in my heart that I have for Aaden, I looked it up to find out it's origin, why he wrote it. I found out that God woke him up in the middle of the night, and gave him this song 2 or 3 weeks after some good friends of him and his wife lost their baby girl, Amy, and had her stillborn. I was like WOW. Just listen to this song, insert your baby's name where it says "Amy." I believe it will touch you all as it has touched me.