Time and distance can not erase a love and bond so deep <3

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Today was a special day, I found out that one of my dearest friends is pregnant. I'm so happy for her! And I'm so excited. It's really sorta bittersweet for me, both of my best friends are having children. I love my best friends, and I love their children, but it does make me miss my Aaden so much! He should be here, growing up with them. He would be like their big brother. I know it will be bittersweet for me to watch all my old friends having their children, while my arms are empty though I've carried my love inside my belly and felt him move. Probably will continue to be that way up until I have myself another child. But even another child will never take the place of Aaden, even though I will love my next child just as much! I know one day my God will give me another child on this earth! And one glad morning, I will hold my beautiful angel baby in Heaven as well!
In a little over two months it will make TWO years since I bore my son into this world and buried him the next day. Two years since I felt him kick for the first time, and several weeks later will make two years since I last felt him kick. It really does seem unreal...seems like only yesterday I was watching the little lumps rise and fall on my belly. Although I am doing emotionally better, I do still miss my son as much as that day nearly two years ago, that he was buried. I still will be driving down the road and turn around to look in the backseat, half expecting to see him there. Or at least imagining what it would be like if he were. I still sometimes feel a little tug at my heart when I see a little blonde haired toddler who is about the age Aaden would be now. And I still even break down and cry sometimes. I wish so bad I could hold him now. But I must remember there is a reason for everything. God knew how great of a mother I would've been to my little darling, so I know there must've been a great reason beyond my understanding that he took him on up to be in HIS arms. At least I know my son is happy as he could be, playing with the angels. Way out of dangers reach. What better babysitter could you ask for than JESUS Himself?! I just know that one day I will get home from work on this Earth, and God will hand him back over to me. Oh what a glorious day that will be!

Tuesday, July 5, 2011


I was recently just browsing through sights online that had to do with stillbirth, parents-of & support groups when I came across a website called, BabyAngelPics. I went to it and found out that they are a company who restores photos. On their website they offered to restore two photo's of stillborns for free. Automatically I decided I wanted to try it. Although the website said they only done pictures of stillborns 32 weeks gestation or over, I sent mine in anyways (Aaden was 22 weeks.) I asked them to maybe give him his normal caucasion skin color(since his was still red), to give him open eyes if they could(blue of course, since his were,) and whatever eles they could do to fix them. Today I came back from a trip to Alabama and had recieved my pictures. They have done such a wonderful job! I can finally have an idea of what my baby would look like had he been born alive and at the right time. Although I know he may have looked a little different, I know that this picture is close. They didn't really changed anything, except his skin color and eyes. Just made it look better, taking away the bruising and things. I wanted to share one of these pictures with you. And I definitely recommend this site to any stillborn parents or relatives. I know that it can be hard to show peope pictures of you child with the bruising, or red skin, or other things that make it even more sad. And although, I still think my son was beautiful the way he was born, it is a lot harder for other people to see him like he was, because they just don't understand. Thank you so much, BabyAngelPics!
f.y.i., here's the website: www.babyangelpics.com :)
The picture is at the top left side of my blog page!