Time and distance can not erase a love and bond so deep <3

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

That time of year...

3 Days from today makes 2 years since I went to the doctor and found out that there was no longer a heartbeat from my Aaden Elijah. 8 days from today makes 2 years since I gave birth to him, and 9 days makes 2 years since I buried him. It's been pretty hard on me lately. A lot harder than last year for some reason. This year has brought back some of the old emotions from when I first lost him; anger, jealousy, hurt, guilt. It just seems so hard to believe that 2 years has already passed me by.
It's a hard thing to plan something to do for your sons birthday when he's not here. Of course, I'm going to do the same thing as last year, and let balloons go, a wish lantern, and maybe even a cake. But I don't want to have to buy balloons to go let loose at a grave yard, and eat a cake without him here. I want him here! I want to be celebrating his 2nd birthday WITH him. But that is in a way, selfish of me. Because Aaden never had to know the heartaches and pain of this world. He died without spot or blemish, so he went straight to Heaven. How could I wish for him to leave such a wonderful, and happy place; for such a place like Earth.
I know that he will be with us that day in our hearts. And he will be watching from Heaven, and thanking Jesus for such a wonderful family he has down here. He'll be sending me love from golden streets. As we all send him love from a sad little grave yard, far up in the woods on a mountain.
Aadens father wasn't around much, and I never even talk to him now (which I'm actually glad about.) But the one time he told me some wise words after we lost him, he said that Aaden may have died here on Earth, but he would live on through us, through our hearts, and through the memories I have of him. ( Maybe in a few different words, lol.)
Thank you Jesus, for my beautiful baby boy in Heaven!

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